Apartment
by Piper Elizabeth
Summary: A series of connected one-shots all taking place in Holder's apartment. Each chapter is from either Holder or Linden's perspective (although not in first person). Will Holder and Linden finally realize they were meant for each other? What will it take for them to finally get together? This is my take on how it could happen.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Apartment

**Rating:** T for some language and normal adult behavior

**Disclaimer:** The Killing and its affiliated characters do not belong to me. I mean no copyright infringement. I only use them as a means to de-stress myself.

**Summary:** A series of connected one-shots all taking place in Holder's apartment. Each chapter is from either Holder or Linden's perspective (although not in first person). Will Holder and Linden finally realize they were meant for each other? What will it take for them to finally get together? This is my take on how it could happen.

**Spoilers: **This story starts off during the episode "Openings" (Season 2, Episode 6). It continues through the end of season 2 and then goes into my own plot. I have not seen season 3 yet so this has nothing to do with season 3.

**Author's Note:** Although these one-shots are connected to one another, they all do take place in Holder's apartment and span quite a bit of time. The "day" as marked on the top of each chapter has to do with the number of days Holder and Linden have known each other, not the Rose Larson murder. Thank you for reading and please don't forget to comment!

**Chapter 1 - "I do not snore."**

Day 19

She stood outside the door, her cell phone against her ear. Each time it rang, she became more desperate. What if he wasn't home? What if he didn't want them to stay? What if he thought she was crazy? She realized she had nowhere else to go, nowhere else where she felt safe. A sense of relief flooded through her when she heard his familiar voice on the other end of the phone.

"Holder," he said.

"Hey, it's me. Are you home?" She asked, trying her best not to sound desperate.

"Yeah, why? What's up?"

With his simple answer, she finally felt like everything was going to be ok. She knocked on the door and waited. She glanced over at Jack. He was looking at her like she was crazy. She couldn't explain it to him what seeing that picture on the refrigerator meant. She only needed him to trust her that she was doing what was best to keep him from harm's way.

The door finally opened. Linden could see the surprise in Holder's eyes. She lowered her phone.

"Hi," she said.

"Hey."

"We need to stay here just for the night." She realized she wasn't exactly giving him the choice. She didn't ask to stay at his place. She commanded it. But she knew he wouldn't argue. They were partners and she knew he would understand that she had her reasons without questioning her.  
"Yeah sure."

He gestured for them both to enter. Although her back was to them, Linden could hear Holder and Jack give their usual handshake before Holder closed the door. When she turned around, she caught his eye. She tried to convey what she was feeling with her eyes. She wanted him to know that it was important for them to be somewhere safe and that she was thankful and grateful he was letting them stay. He nodded as if he understood everything.

"You hungry?" Holder asked.

"We ate in the car," Jack answered.

"Let me guess? From a bag?" Holder teased.

"Mom knows every fast food joint around," Jack replied.

"Let's not turn this into pick on mom night," Linden said, trying to keep the mood light. She knew Jack knew something was wrong, but there was no reason he had to know just how wrong things were.

"Come on, Linden, where's the fun in that?" Holder responded.

"I'm going to get changed," Linden said, rolling her eyes.

She grabbed the small bag she had taken and walked down the hall until she found the bathroom. She slipped inside, shutting and locking the door behind her. Before changing, she looked at herself in the mirror. She could see that the last nineteen days had taken its toll and she knew that was partially her fault. She hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in weeks.

Linden quickly slipped out of her Jeans and sweater and changed into more comfortable stretch pants and a grey long-sleeved shirt. She took one last look in the mirror before folding her clothes and walking back into the living room. She saw Holder had moved the coffee table out of the way and he and Jack were locked in some kind of wrestling maneuver. She smiled. It felt good seeing her son doing something with another man. Jack hadn't really had that before. He never exactly had warmed up to any of her boyfriends, including Rick, and he sure as hell didn't spend enough time with his father. It was good for him to have a male to hang out with.

She realized as she stood there that watching them together seemed so normal. It looked almost like they were some sort of family. Linden shook the thoughts from her head. She knew she couldn't think like that. It wasn't appropriate. Holder was her partner.

Linden watched as Jack managed to kick at Holder's feet, sending him to the ground with a loud grunt.

"Don't hurt each other," Linden said somewhat jokingly because she knew that they wouldn't. Despite his rough exterior, the last thing Holder would do was hurt her son even accidentally.

"Just having some fun, Linden. You should try it sometime," Holder replied. With Jack's help, he stood up. "Alright, let's go again. This time I'm not letting you win."

She watched as her son barreled towards him. They got locked in a head to head position, both of them trying to take the other down. Linden couldn't help but smile again. After another thirty seconds, it was Holder who took Jack down, although not too aggressively.

"Jack, you should get ready for bed," Linden said when both boys were on their backs, breathing hard.

"Party pooper," Holder mumbled. They both scrambled to their feet. Jack grabbed his backpack and disappeared down the hallway.

"Come on, mom, can't we stay up a while? I'm not a kid, you know."

"Yeah, Linden, let the men have their fun," Holder joked.

"Someone's going to get hurt and I'm not taking any trips to the hospital tonight," Linden explained.

"Then we can do something else," Holder suggested.

"Like what?" Linden asked, seriously doubting that Holder would have anything in his apartment to entertain them.

"I got monopoly," he said. He walked over to the shelf and pulled out the board game. He handed it to Jack. "Why don't you set it up over there?"

Jack took the game and began setting it up on the bar next to the kitchen.

"You playing, mom?" Jack asked.

"No, honey. That's ok. You two play," she answered, not really in the mood for a board game. She walked over to the window, unable to shake the feeling that someone was watching her. She kept thinking about the picture on the refrigerator. Who would have put it there? Who wanted to scare her?

She stood there for about a half hour, not moving. She could feel Holder's eyes on hers even though she never turned to look at him. She kept her eyes trained outside, watching the rain come down.

"So, you gonna tell me what's going on?" Holder asked quietly, as he approached her.

She finally turned to look at him. She knew she owed him an explanation. She hadn't said anything to him since they had gotten there.

"There was a picture on the refrigerator. Neither Jack nor I put it there. Someone was in our room, Holder."

"Maid probably just moved it. I'm always putting my bible in the drawer. Made me lose my place in Exodus."

Thinking about the idea that someone was in their room, someone who knew that much about her and her past made her shudder. She began to play with the collar of her shirt.

"That drawing was packed away. This was a message. Whoever did this knows things about me."

Holder stepped closer to her.

"That old case you're working on? That what Carlson was talking about?"

She didn't answer him. Instead, she turned back to the window. She trusted Holder with her life, but she was not ready to share with him the case that almost broke her.

"Trust me on this, Linden. You're safe. No one ever comes here around here. Not even Jehovah's witnesses." Holder walked away back towards Jack while Linden continued to stare out the window. She just had a feeling that someone was out there. "Only thing we gotta worry about is the young man robbing us." She looked over as he sat down beside Jack. "I said roll for me, not rob me."

"You owe me rent."  
"Yeah, rent on Pioneer Square ain't two G's."

"I think your zen rock garden and fountain are what's really going to help me relax," Linden commented.

"Laugh it up, Linden, my dojo's the sanctuary of life."

She smiled, trying to calm herself. But she couldn't help looking out the window once more. She could hear them playing in the background, but she was too distracted to play. She closed the blinds, determined to not let her paranoia get to her.

Taking a calming breath, Linden walked over to the counter and watched as the boys played. Within twenty minutes, Jack had all of Holder's money and most of his property.

"This boy don't play fair!" Holder exclaimed.

"Just face it, Holder. You suck," Linden stated.

"Maybe cause he was the banker," Holder said.

"You're just mad because you lost," Jack replied.

Holder reached over and ruffled his hair.

"Come on, we should get some sleep," Linden suggested.

Linden glanced around the room, thinking about their sleeping arrangements. She knew Holder had only one bedroom. In the back of her mind, she couldn't help but wonder what his bedroom looked like. Was it masculine, devoid of a female touch? Was it practically empty except for piles of dirty sweatshirts and boxers lying around? Was it clean with a few feminine touches here and there to impress the ladies? She chastised herself for thinking about it.

"You ok, Linden?" Holder asked.

"Yeah, sorry," she replied, trying to hide the blush that was brushing on her cheeks.

"I said Little Man and I can crash out here. I got a pullout sofa and blow up mattress around here somewhere. You can take the bed."

"No, that won't be necessary," Linden insisted.

"Come on, me and Little Man can have a guy's night."

"Yeah, mom. I'm tired of sleeping in the same room as you. You snore."

"I do not snore," Linden stated.

Jack rolled his eyes. "Sure you don't."

"I'm not taking your bed, Holder," Linden insisted.

"Why? I washed the sheets...recently."

"Jack and I will be fine out here."

"Come on, mom," Jack whined.

"Yeah, come on, mom," Holder mimicked.

"Fine," Linden finally agreed. It wasn't worth fighting both of them.

"Right this way," Holder said. He led Linden down a short hallway. She followed him into his bedroom. He flicked the light on and went over to the closet. "Blow up mattress should be in here somewhere."

While he was digging through his closet, Linden took the time to look around. His room was masculine, having very little extra. He had a king sized bed in the middle of the room with a black, simple side table next to it. All the table had on it was a lamp, a clock, and a book turned flat with its pages done, clearly trying to save his page. Across the room he had one bureau with very little on it. As Linden had expected, there was a pile of laundry in the corner, but it wasn't overflowing. Otherwise the room was relatively neat although Linden guessed it could use a good dusting and vacuuming.

"Didn't a librarian ever tell you not to do that to your books?" Linden asked, pointing to the overturned book next to the bed.

Holder looked back. "I do that to all my books."

"It breaks the binding."

He shrugged and went back to focusing on his search.

"Found it," he finally said, pulling a box out of his closet.

"You really don't have to go through all this trouble. We'd be fine on the couch or the floor."

"No chick in my house is going to sleep on the floor."

"Chick?"

"I meant that with the utmost respect."

"Uh-huh."

"Anything you need, Linden, just let me know. Even got a few spare toothbrushes in the bathroom."

"You keep spare toothbrushes in your bathroom?"

"Never know when a lady friend might need one."

"I thought you were practicing celibacy."

"I am. Why do you think there are still spare toothbrushes left?"

Holder grabbed the box containing the air mattress and started to leave the room.

"Holder…" Linden said as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah?" He asked, turning to look at her.

"Thanks. For letting us stay here. And for...everything."

"That's what partners are for Linden. And don't forget, I'll be just in the other room if you need anything. And I mean anything, Linden." He winked at her and plastered a large, goofy grin on his face. "You know, after Little Man goes to sleep, you and I could…"

"Shut up, Holder," she said.

"Just sayin' Linden. Could be epic."

He disappeared out of the room. Linden laid back on the bed and closed her eyes. She wasn't going to lie - his proposition was enticing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - "We were fine here last night, remember?"**

Day 20

As she woke up slowly, she tried to remember where she was. She looked around and finally remembered she was at Holder's apartment, in Holder's bed. She knew she should get up. She knew it was time to face the day, but she was just too damn comfortable. He had an amazing bed, so much better than the hotel bed she had been sleeping in. The only thing that could make it better would be him in bed with her.

Linden forced herself out of bed, trying not to think about him. As she pulled out the change of clothes she had brought, she smelled something amazing coming from the kitchen. She quickly changed her clothes and opened the bedroom door. As she walked down the hallway, the smell grew stronger. It smelled amazing. It had been a long time since Linden had a real breakfast.

As she walked down the hall, she could hear Holder talking to Jack about organic food and she smiled. She approached the kitchen, throwing her hair up in a ponytail. She wished she had taken the time to get rid of the bed head, but a ponytail was going to have to do.

"She rises from the dead. Told you Posturepedic is the shit, isn't it?"

"What are you making?" She asked as she looked at Holder, noticing he was wearing an apron. For some reason that made her smile.

"Just an all natural Mexican-American breakfast," Holder answered.

"Morning, mom," Jack said.

"Morning. Do you need help?"

"No. Take a load off," he said as he poured her some coffee and handed her the mug. "We got you. Just a head's up, there's a poison control number on top of the fridge in case you go into shock since this ain't freeze dried."

"Ha ha," Linden teased. She sipped her coffee and wandered to explore Holder's apartment further.

"Hey, get the habanera jelly out of the fridge, mix it with the eggs, and boom you got spicy and sweet in one."

Linden made her way over to a shelf of books in the corner. She glanced at the titles on the spines of the books, curious about Holder's interests.

"I see you found my knowledge corner," Holder said. Linden put her coffee down and looked over at him. He was busy adding cheese to whatever it was that he was making. For the second time since she had arrived at his apartment, Linden noticed how domestic he was and how good it felt to see him that way. The idea of family popped into her head once more. "There's a bookstore down on Jones street. Get a crate of books for a quarter. Can't put a price on wisdom, ain't that right, Little Man."

"I guess," Jack answered.

"You guess?"

Linden took a book off the shelf. She began to flip through it, suddenly curious about its contents.

"Monarchs," Holder said. "They left about a month ago. Should be down in Cali by now. Then down to Mexico. Come on, let's eat. Speaking of travel plans, you and klepto here are welcome to crash here as long as you need."

She barely heard him as the thoughts circulated in her head. She was thinking and making connections and trying out theories.

"Thanks," she finally said. "It was just for the night."

She would have loved to stay with him longer, but knew it wasn't an option. She couldn't put him out for another night. And she didn't trust herself.

"Of course, it's just too much fun here," Jack answered sarcastically.

As her cell phone rang, Linden put the book down. She kept eye contact with Holder as she spoke to Ray on the other end. She listened carefully, hearing about the break they needed. The construction site was the key.

As soon as she was off the phone, Holder approached her. She loved that without saying anything at all, he always knew when something was up. She relayed the information to him about the noises in the background of Rosie's voicemail. Holder went back to his breakfast.

"Jack, you all packed up?

"I haven't finished my breakfast."  
"Yo, you gotta try some of my Habanera jelly eggs."

"I'm not hungry," she said even though it was a lie. She was hungry, but she had more important things to deal with. She felt closer than ever to finding out the truth.

"Just so you know, there's a spare key under the green flower pot. Just in case all the hotels are booked or something."

She nodded, thankful for his offer. She couldn't help but wonder how many other women had used that key. Trying to rid herself of the thoughts, she began gathering her things. She had a murder to solve and thinking about Holder in that way was not going to help solve it.

As she stood outside his apartment, Linden was suddenly extremely thankful that Holder had told her earlier that morning where the key to his apartment was. She tipped over the green flower pot in the hallway and grabbed the key from underneath. She shoved it into the lock and opened the door. She practically burst into the room with Jack following her, wanting to get out of the open hallway as soon as possible. She knew they couldn't go back to the hotel, not when child protective services were after her and she still didn't know who put the drawing up on the refrigerator.

She began searching for a light switch to turn the lights on. She was panicked. She could feel it creeping through her body. She kept thinking about Holder, about what she heard on the phone. He could be somewhere hurt and alone and she had no idea where or worse, he could already be dead.

"Holder's going to be fine. That's why you have to stay here. I'm going to find him and he's going to be fine," she said more for herself than for Jack.

She began quickly searching the apartment, making sure that there was nothing out of place. Before she left her son there, she had to make sure it was safe.

"I don't want to stay here. Why can't I go to Reggie's?"

"Because you can't. There's no time for that, Jack. You'll be safe here at Holder's."

"Are you even listening to me? I don't want to stay here."

"We were fine here last night, remember?" She asked, turning on the lamp beside the couch. She wanted to illuminate the place as much as possible. Light meant less places to hide. "I promise, nothings going to happen."

She found one of Holder's sweatshirts on the back of the couch. She grabbed it, knowing it would be a good object for the search dogs to use to pick up Holder's scent. The dogs were probably the best chance they had of finding him.

"What about you? I don't want you to go. Let the other cops do their jobs."

She could hear how scared Jack was by the sound of his voice, even though he would never admit it. She had no idea what she was getting herself into and Jack had every right to be scared. Hell, she was scared, but she couldn't let him know that. And she had to do whatever it took to get Holder back. She would never forgive herself for separating from him if she didn't find him.

Her cell phone rang. Jack rolled his eyes and headed into the kitchen as Linden took her phone out of her pocket. She knew she wasn't being fair to Jack. Other mothers didn't abandon their sons the way she did. Other mothers didn't have dangerous jobs where people were after them. But Linden was doing the best she could. She only hoped one day Jack would understand.

"Linden," she said, answering her phone.

"Detective Linden, the authorization for your search party was denied," an officer's voice said on the other end.  
Linden could feel the anger surging through her. She thought it was a mistake, but then knew in her heart that it wasn't.

"What do you mean? There's an officer down. Who the hell denied it?"

"Lieutenant Carlson. He called it off."

She hung up the phone, feeling more determined than ever that she was going to find him no matter the consequences.

Author's Note: I'm not going to lie, this was not my favorite chapter to write – mostly because I didn't really add any of my own scenes, but I felt like it needed to be written so here it is. Hope you enjoyed it! Please don't forget to review. There's a lot more coming!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - "Damn it, Linden."**

Day 23

It wasn't right. That's what he kept thinking over and over again. Linden wasn't suicidal. She was trying to do her job in the best way she knew how, which incidentally pissed off the wrong people. There was no way she belonged in that looney bin. Sure, he knew Linden had problems getting too close to a case before. He knew maybe she needed help, but it certainly didn't include being locked up on a 72 hour suicide watch. It was true she didn't eat enough or sleep enough or worry about herself enough when she was involved in a case, but that's what made her a good cop. She was relentless and ruthless when it came to finding the truth. He envied her in that way. If he could become half the cop she was, he knew he would be doing his job well.

He sat down on the edge of his bed, taking off his shoes. The smoke from the lit cigarette in his mouth swirled around his head. He took a deep inhale and let the smoke out. What he really wanted was a fix. That was what he did when he was feeling desperate and alone. He wanted to not feel for a little while. He wanted to not think about Linden locked up and the fact that he could do nothing about it or the Rosie Larson murder. He just wanted to be free of all thoughts. He knew his dealer was just a phone call away. Sure, he had deleted the man's number from his cell phone as part of his twelve step program, but he still had the damn number memorized. The phone number swirled in his head any time he was longing to get high. It was a number that would never leave him.

But Holder knew he couldn't do it. Not only because it was mess with his sobriety, but because it wouldn't help Linden in the least. She needed him to be sober. She needed him to be someone she could rely on. Someone who would walk through fire for her and he sure as hell would. He would walk through fire and back if it meant protecting her.

Holder put out his cigarette in the ashtray on the bedside table before laying back. He stared at the ceiling as a floral scent filled his nose. He turned his head, pressing his nose against the pillow. He had forgotten that the last person to sleep in his bed had been Linden. He took a deep inhale, breathing in her scent. It was the smell of her shampoo. He had come to know it well and he loved it. He hugged the pillow close to his body, burying his nose in the soft fabric.

"Damn it, Linden, what the hell am I supposed to do?" He said out loud.

With thoughts of her invading his mind, he finally succumbed to some much needed sleep.

Author's Note: I know this chapter was short, but I promise there's a lot more to come! Thank you so much for reading and please don't forget to review!


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Just wanted to remind everyone that I haven't seen season 3 yet so this is my take on what might have happened after season 2. This chapter pretty much takes place a few hours after the last scene of the season 2 finale. Thanks for reading in advance!

**Chapter 4**** - "You miss me already?"**

Day 26

Holder slammed the door, shrugging off his wet coat. He let it fall to the floor and didn't bother to pick it up. He went to his fridge and grabbed a beer. Using the edge of the kitchen counter to pop the top, he placed the beer bottle to his lips and chugged. The cold liquid felt good going down his throat, although it didn't really take the chill away. He felt chilled to the bone. He had been standing outside in the pouring rain, staring at a dead body, while the crime scene investigators did their thing. The rain had washed away most of the evidence. There wasn't much he could do until the lab came back with some tests. The only thing standing out there did for him was make him cold and wired. He sure as hell wasn't going to get any sleep even though he knew he desperately needed some after all the work he and Linden did on the Larson murder.

As if on cue as he thought about her, his phone rang. Holder dug it out of his Jeans pocket and looked at it. It was her. He couldn't help but smile. He flipped the phone open and put it to his ear.

"Damn Linden, when I said keep in touch, I didn't mean later in the same day. What? You miss me already?"

"How's the new case?"

"Don't know much yet. Waiting for the techies to do their thing."

"Right."

He could tell something was wrong just by the sound of her voice.

"What's the matter Linden?"

"Nothing. Sorry I bothered you."

"You don't gotta be sorry. You wanna come over for a beer or something?"

"It's nearly midnight."

"So?"

"Alright. I'll be over in twenty."

Holder waited for her to hang up before he shut his phone. He looked at the crumpled, wet jacket he had thrown on the floor. He thought he should probably pick it up, but the cold in his body said otherwise. Twenty minutes would give him plenty of time for a nice hot shower.

Exactly nineteen minutes later, Holder was standing in his bedroom, pulling on a pair of Jeans when he heard a knock at the door. Damn it, the woman was nothing but punctual. Zipping up his fly, Holder made his way to the front door. He opened it. Linden was standing there holding a six pack. He couldn't help but notice the way her eyes grew wide when she saw that he was naked from the waist up. After all, he was a trained detective. He was taught to take note of people's physical reactions to situations.

"Come on in," Holder said.

Holder noticed Linden averted her eyes away from his chest as she swept past him. She put the six pack in the fridge, but not before taking out two beers. She handed one to Holder.

"Maybe you should put on a shirt," she commented.

"Why? Am I making you uncomfortable, Linden? Maybe you should take yours off and then we would be even?"

Linden rolled her eyes. "I don't know why I bothered to come here."

"Because your son's in Chicago and you got nobody else waiting for you in that crappy hotel room and we just worked the most difficult case of our careers."

"Thanks for that pep talk," Linden said, taking a long sip of beer.

"I didn't mean it like that. I don't have nobody waiting for me either."

Holder grabbed a zip-up hoodie from the back of one of the chairs in the kitchen and threw it on. He grabbed one of the beers Linden had brought over before sitting down on the sofa and patting the cushion next to him. Linden plopped down beside him. They both put their feet up on the coffee table.

"To us," Holder said, holding up his glass.

"Don't know if I want to drink to that," Linden replied.

"Come on, Linden. We got the bad guy."

"Yeah. And in the process, a family was destroyed and we still didn't take down everyone who was involved in that girl's murder."

"It was still a win."

"Is that all you think about Holder? Whether or not we win?"

"You know that ain't true."

Linden sighed. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm just...angry."

"At the system?"

"At the system. At us for not seeing it sooner. At...me."

"Why you angry at yourself?"

"I got too close...again. I practically lost my son."

"You're a good cop, Linden. Maybe you do get too close, but that's what makes you so good."

"Don't follow in my footsteps, Holder."

"I don't plan on it. Those little girlie feet are way too small." She smiled and took another sip of beer. "They want you back, Linden."

She nearly choked on her beer. "What?"

"The department. Ready to offer you back your job. Suspension lifted."

"Yeah well, I don't know if I want my job back."

"Come on, Linden, you and me back together again. You gotta admit we make pretty damn good partners."

"You almost got beaten to death and I lost my son. I don't think we're going to win partners of the year."

He paused, thinking whether or not he should tell her what had popped into his head. It was the truth.

"You're the only person I trust, Linden."

"You'll learn to trust a new partner."

"Not like you."

She sighed. "I don't know if I can do it, Holder. I don't know if I can be a good cop and a good mom. I need to put Jack first or I will lose him for good."

"What if I promised it would never be like this again?"

She snorted. "You don't know that."

"Come on, Linden. You and me."

"I need some time, Holder. I need to get my son back. I need a place to live."

"You mean you don't want to stay in that cheap motel no more?" He smiled at her, the same ridiculous, goofy grin he usually gave when he was teasing her. "Just kidding, Linden. You take all the time you need. Just tell me you'll think about it."

"Fine," she said, downing the rest of her beer. "I'll think about it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 ****- "Shut up, Holder."**

Day 40

Linden stood in Holder's living room, a thick file folder tucked under arm. She wasn't exactly sure why she agreed to meet him at his place. They needed to discuss the case they were working on, needed to go over some paperwork, but that should have been done in their office. The trouble was, Holder had promised his sister he would pick up his nephew after school so he left the office early. Linden was impressed that he was taking his duties as an uncle so seriously. He was actually trying to be a better man and Linden could see that. It was actually sort of endearing. Since Jack was staying at a friend's house for the night, Linden had agreed to meet up with Holder later. She had expected he'd want to meet back at their office, but he suggested his apartment and she agreed. As she stood there, she wished she had suggested they meet at her place. Then again, her new place was still full of boxes left unpacked. They had only moved in a week earlier and unpacking unessential boxes hadn't exactly been a priority.

"You gonna take your coat off, Linden?" Holder called from the kitchen.

"What are you doing in there?"

"Told you I was making something to eat. We can't all live off fast food, Linden."

"I'll have you know that I've been limiting fast food to twice a week. Part of the new and improved me."

She heard him chuckle. Linden put the file on the living room table and then shrugged her coat off. She threw it over the back of the couch, getting it out of the way. She walked over to Holder's book collection, realizing it had grown since she had last seen it.

"You coming?" Holder asked, poking his head out the kitchen door.

"What?"

"You coming to eat with me?"

"In the kitchen? At the table?"

"Isn't that where most people eat, Linden? Can't eat every meal on the couch or at our desks."

"I thought we were going to discuss the case."

"After we eat."

Linden rolled her eyes. She walked into the kitchen and was surprised to see spaghetti with red sauce already piled up on her plate. There was even a beer already open and ready for her.

"You really know how to impress a girl," Linden commented. "Even have matching plates."

"Only take those out when the girl is really special. Go ahead. Sit."

Holder turned to the oven, through on some oven mitts, and took a tray of fresh garlic bread out. He put the pieces of bread on a separate plate and put it in the middle of the table.

"Smells good," Linden complimented.

"Better than that fast food crap you eat. Dig in."

Linden watched as Holder took a big mouthful of spaghetti. He followed it with a bite of garlic bread.

"You didn't have to make me dinner," Linden said.

"I didn't make you dinner. I made me dinner. You just happened to be here. Would have been rude if I didn't offer you some."

"Why don't you have a girlfriend? I mean, you can cook, you're relatively intelligent, have a good job, and you're..." Linden began, but then cut herself off. She immediately regretted the question. She wasn't even sure why she asked it. It wasn't something they usually talked about.

"I'm what, Linden?" She didn't answer. "You think I'm good-looking, Linden? You think I'm handsome?"

"Shut up, Holder," Linden muttered.

Holder smirked at her. "You're not too bad yourself, you know, Linden."

"Let me repeat myself. Shut up, Holder," she said with a slight blush.

"You want to know why I'm single? I find women don't appreciate all I got going on."

"Now it makes sense. You're a cocky son of a bitch."

"You nailed it, Linden." He paused. "Where's Little Man tonight?"

She was grateful for the change in conversation.

"Going to a hockey game with a friend and his family."

"Didn't know he liked hockey."

"His dad took him to a game when he was in Chicago. Now he's...obsessed."

"He play?"

"A little street hockey now and then with friends, but never on ice."

"He skate?"

"A little."

"I could take him down the rink, teach him some moves."

"You play hockey, Holder?"

"I did. In high school. We won the championship my senior year."

"Show off."

"Offer stands, Linden. I can show Little Man a thing or two on the ice. Give you some time off to do...whatever it is you ladies do."

"And what is it you think I do with my time off?"

"I don't know, Linden. Certainly don't spend your time shopping." Linden looked down at the sweater she was wearing. She knew it wasn't exactly stylish, but it kept her warm and it was practical. "Let me guess...you a secret blogger, Linden?"

She rolled her eyes. "Are we going to talk about this case?"

"I'm eating here."

Linden reached to pick a piece of garlic bread. Holder did the same. Their hands met in the middle, both grabbing for the same piece. Linden immediately withdrew her hand.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"No harm, no fowl." Holder took the bread and took a bite.

She didn't know why she felt like a teenage girl on a first date. She and Holder had spent countless hours together. He probably knew her better than most of the men she dated. That's what happened when you spent hours sitting in a car with someone. Being with him having a meal shouldn't have felt so strange, but it did.

Trying to somehow get rid of the awkward silence in the room, Linden pushed her chair away from the table and stood up. There was never awkwardness when they were working so that's what she was going to do.

"I'll be working while you finish stuffing your face."

"Just admit it, Linden. You like my cooking!" He shouted while she walked in to the other room.

"Shut up, Holder!" She shouted back.

Author's Note: I loved writing this chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading it! Please don't forget to review!


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 ****- "Why would I be nervous?"**

Day 51

"Listen to him," Linden said. "Don't talk back. Do what he says. No mouthing off or acting like you know everything. And be careful. You haven't been on ice skates since you were like ten. And don't..."

"I know, mom. Jeez, I'm not a kid anymore," Jack interrupted.

Linden stared at her son. She remembered having to look down at him to talk to him when he was a child, but now he was practically her height. Now she didn't have to look down anymore.

She was nervous. She couldn't explain why. Holder was just going to take Jack to the ice skating rink to show him a couple of hockey plays. She trusted Holder with her life. There was absolutely no reason why she shouldn't trust him with her kid. Then she realized that wasn't it. She wasn't nervous about Holder taking care of Jack. She was nervous about what it meant for Holder to be spending time with Jack. Jack didn't warm up to many people. He practically despised every man she had ever dated. Even Rick, the man she thought she was going to marry, couldn't win over Jack despite his best efforts. It was clear Jack was fond of Holder, even more since she and Holder had become partners again. It was as if Jack gave Holder credit for keeping her sane, which made Jack's life ten times easier. Jack and Holder shared that male bond that Linden knew she could never have with her son. It was almost unfair. Then again, with Jack's father so far away, it was good for Jack to be spending time with a man.

"I know, I'm sorry," Linden said, taking a deep breath.

"You ok, mom? You seem...nervous."

"Of course I'm not nervous. Why would I be nervous?"

"I don't know. You're just acting...strange. It's just hockey, mom. Holder's just gonna show me a few moves."

"I know."

"Then why have we been spending ten minutes standing in Holder's hallway?"

Linden knew she was being ridiculous. Holder was a good man. A good person for Jack to spend time with. It didn't have to mean anything. They could all just be friends. As Linden raised her hand to knock on the door, it opened.

"Wondering when you were gonna knock," Holder said.

"Just giving Jack a little pep talk," Linden explained.

"Yeah, reminding me to behave and all that," Jack said with a roll of his eyes.

"Hey Little Man, got a surprise for you. Go check out what I've got on the bed."

Linden noticed her son's eyes light up. He may have not been a kid anymore, but he still liked gifts. Jack ran off in the direction of Holder's bedroom.

"You didn't have to do that," Linden said.

"You don't even know what it is yet."

"Still, you don't need to buy him things."

"He's a good kid, Linden. And I wanted to do it. You ok? You seem...nervous."

"I'm not nervous!" She practically shouted.

"Alright. Don't bite my head off."

"So you're going to the rink and then straight home, right? I can meet you back here at..."

"Thought I'd bring him out for a bite to eat after. I can drop him off at your place when we're done, Linden."

"Ok, but what time do you think?"

"What difference does it make? I'll get him home to you, Linden safe and sound. Don't tell me you don't trust me."

"Of course I trust you. I'm just worried about too much guy time. Who knows what kind of trouble you two can get into."

"That's the point of guy time." He put his hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, Linden. I got this."

Linden glanced over at his hand resting on her shoulder. She could feel the pressure of his hand through her sweater. It felt warm. It felt good. She chastised herself. He was her partner. Just because he was spending time with her son didn't mean anything more than he was trying to be a good guy. She needed to get the school girl ideas of them being anything other than partners out of her mind.

"Thank you," she said. "For doing this. It means a lot to him...and me."

He smiled at her. "Don't go soft on me, Linden."  
Jack came running down the hallway towards them with a hockey stick in his hand.

"Thanks, Holder, this is awesome!"

Holder removed his hand from Linden's shoulder to give Jack a high five. Linden couldn't help but smile at the joy on Jack's face.

"You're welcome. You ready, Little Man?" Holder asked.

"Yeah. Mom, you...ah...gonna leave?"

"Right, of course. Be good." She instructed. "And be careful."

"I will," Jack replied.

She headed for the door.

"See ya, Linden," Holder said.

She turned back around and saw his smile one last time.

Author's Note: I know this was another short chapter, but I felt it was important to include a scene with Jack. Don't worry – there's much more to come!


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – "You gonna throw up on my carpet?"**

Day 89

It had been a hell of a day. The worst day Holder could think of in recent memory. It started off like any other day. He met with Linden in their office. They reviewed the case they had been given less than a week earlier. A male victim was shot and dumped in a large garbage bin outside a restaurant. After going through the obvious suspects - the man's wife, his adult son, his surprise mistress, and an annoyed business partner, they realized through forensics and careful examination of the facts that it was both the wife and the mistress working together. They were just waiting for the last bit of physical evidence from the lab - a broken off fake finger nail found on the body. If the finger nail matched the mistress, the case would be closed. They already had the wife's DNA to prove her involvement. It was supposed to be an easy day. Just wait for the lab to call and then make the arrests. The arrests never happened. Knowing they were about to get caught and that the wife would most likely turn against her, the mistress shot the wife at home with the same gun they had used to kill the man. In the crossfire, she also had shot and killed the wife's thirty year old son and his three-year old daughter he. Then the mistress took her own life. Four dead people in one day all because the mistress couldn't handle taking the fall for her own actions. It was horrible, walking in and seeing all four dead bodies in the same room. There was blood everywhere. The worst part was seeing the body of the little girl still clutching her stuffed bear.

Holder grabbed a beer from his fridge and then thought better of it. One beer was not going to be enough. He took the whole six pack and slumped onto the couch. He knew he would be able to drink all six before they started to get warm. He wanted desperately to forget what had happened. He never wanted to imagine it again. If only the damn lab techs had worked a little faster, he and Linden could have arrested the two women before anything had happened. He felt personally responsible.

His thoughts turned to Linden. She was probably home, doing the same thing he was doing, drowning in beer. He knew Jack was away for the week at his dad's. Holder thought that he probably should have invited Linden over. They could have wallowed in their sorrow together. Then again, he knew that was a bad idea. Holder thought about how close they had been getting over the last few months. She didn't drop him off, leaving him alone at stake outs anymore. Instead, they usually stayed together. They sat down and actually ate meals together when they were working a case. Holder had even spent some time at her place, hanging out with her and Jack. He claimed he just wanted to spend time with her son and play video games, but it wasn't just that. He enjoyed spending time with Jack, but he also enjoyed spending time with her.

As Holder finished off one beer and reached for another, he heard a knock. He glanced down at his watch. It was nearly one in the morning. Somehow he knew who the person on the other side of the door was and he wasn't sure if he should be thrilled or concerned. Taking a deep breath, he walked to the door and opened it. Linden was standing in the hallway, practically slumped against the doorframe.

"Hi Holder," she said. Her words were slurred. He could smell the alcohol immediately. And the cigarette smoke. She had gone back to smoking.

"Linden," he replied simply.

"You gonna invite me in?" She asked.

"That depends, Linden. You gonna throw up on my carpet?"

"I'm not drunk," she assured him with a smile.

"Uh-huh. Please tell me you didn't drive here."

"Nope. Took a cab."

"Thank goodness for small miracles. Come on in."

He stepped out of the way and she began to walk in the open door. She swayed when she walked. Holder could see her about to go down before she probably even knew what was happening. He caught her around the waist.

"I'm fine!" She exclaimed.

"Yeah, but let me help you anyway."

He kept his arms around her as he led her to the sofa. He helped her sit down and noticed that her arms were looped around him as well. She didn't let go.

"You smell nice," she murmured.

"Thanks.  
She finally let him go and leaned back against the couch. Holder looked her over. She had changed from work, he noticed. She was wearing her running clothes. Clearly she had tried going for a run after work to get the images of the day out of her head. He guessed when that didn't work, she had turned to alcohol.

"You have beer," she noticed.

She reached for the six pack.

"I think you've had enough. I'll get you some water."

"Don't want water," she pouted.

"I want…" she looked at him with a look he had never seen before. "I want you."

Holder was about to speak as she grabbed a fistful of his T-Shirt and pulled him down towards her. His lips crashed to hers. She immediately started kissing him, not giving either of them the time to revel in the sensation of their first kiss. She kissed him hungrily. It took Holder a moment to respond. His brain couldn't process what was happening. Linden, his partner, his confidant, the one person he trusted with everything, the person he spent countless hours with, was kissing him. When he finally realized what was happening, he kissed her back. Holder could feel her fingers in his hair. She was applying pressure on his head, keeping him in place. He could feel her trying to pull him down on the couch with her. He felt her fingertips grazing his stomach, trying to push his shirt up. Holder had imagined the moment dozens of times. He always thought about what it would be like to finally kiss her. He thought about how her lips would feel, how she would taste, what it would do to him to finally have that connection with her. Everything felt amazing, just like it should, except for one thing. It didn't feel right. Kissing her while she had the taste of alcohol on her lips was wrong.

"Linden," he said, trying to stop her.

"Don't," she responded by tugging on the hem of his shirt. "Don't think."

If possible, her words were even more slurred than they had been before. It reminded Holder just how drunk she was. He pulled away, forcing her to release her grip on him. He took a few steps back. It was taking all of his willpower not to go back to kissing her. He wanted to strip her clothes off and see what the hell was underneath all those damn sweaters. But he also wanted her to be the partner he knew and trusted in the morning. If they crossed that line, especially with her being so drunk she probably wouldn't remember it the next morning, things would never be the same. Holder couldn't throw away what they had for one night of pleasure, even if it would be amazing.

"We can't," he said.

"Why? Am I not your type, Holder? You only go for dumb blondes?"

"You're toasted, Linden."

"No! Tell me! Tell me what's so wrong with me!"

"Damn it, Linden, nothing's wrong with you! You're...smart and hot and too damn good for me. I'm just trying to do the right thing here. We've both had a hell of a day. I know what it's like to want to blow off some steam, trust me, I do. But yo...this ain't the way to do it."

He watched as her face changed. She went from looking desperate and needy to looked sad and alone. She closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands. Holder walked over to the couch and sat down beside her.

"That little girl died because of us," Linden whispered.

"We did what we could."

"If we had worked harder, faster. If we…"

"Can't do that to yourself, Linden."

"I just can't stop thinking about her little body, crumpled at the body of the steps, all that blood. As a mother..." Holder watched a tear roll down her cheek. "This case was supposed to be easy. This wasn't supposed to happen."

"I know."

Holder put his arm around her. She turned into him, leaning her head against his chest. He held her, putting his other arm around her, and let her cry. After a few moments, he realized she had fallen asleep. He looked down at her, seeing the streaks the tears had left on her cheeks and the tear stain she had left on his shirt. He knew she was going to wake up with a massive hangover, but there was nothing he could do to help her now. The only thing he could do was let her sleep it off and he wasn't about to have her do that on the couch. Holder gently took her arms from around his neck and propped her up in a sitting position. He stood up and picked her up in his arms bridal style. He carried her to his bedroom and placed her on the bed. Glad that he hadn't bothered to make the bed that morning, he pulled the sheet and blanket over her. He went to the kitchen first to get a bottle of water before grabbing the garbage can from the bathroom. He made his way back towards the bedroom. He put the water on the bedside table next to his newest book and put the basket next to the bed. He hoped if she woke up needing to vomit, she would at least make it in the bucket.

"Sleep tight, Linden," he whispered, leaning over to give her a kiss on the forehead. Somehow that felt more right than the fiery kiss they had shared earlier. Holder gave her one last look before he made his way back to the living room. He thought about having a second beer, but then decided against it. One of them was definitely going to have to be sober if they were going to make it through the night. Otherwise he worried if he got too drunk, he would find his way to his bed and that definitely would be a bad idea. Holder sighed and got comfortable on the couch.

Author's Note: This is kind of the chapter that inspired a lot of this story. I hope you liked it!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 - "So...what...happened last night?"**

Day 90

Her head was pounding. Her body felt weak. She attempted to open her eyes and then immediately closed them again. The little bit of light sneaking through the blinds of the window were enough to make her want to vomit. She knew, though, that she was going to have to get up. She needed water and about a dozen aspirin. She took a deep breath and slowly began to open one eye. She blinked several times before she was able to focus. She saw a water bottle and a book turned on its pages. She immediately sat up and then regretted the quick movement. For the first time she realized she wasn't in her bed. She was in his bed. Linden frantically threw the blankets off her body.

"Thank God," she whispered as she saw that she was still fully clothed in her running clothes. She grabbed the water bottle off the bedside table and chugged more than half of it without taking a breath. Her throat felt like she had been living on a desert island and hadn't taken a drink of water in years. She glanced over at the digital clock across the room. It was nearly noon. Linden never slept that late. It was against her very nature to sleep that late.

She heard the sound of pans banging together. The noise went right to her aching temple. She guessed Holder was in the kitchen making her something to eat. Although the thought of eating in her current state made her nauseous, she knew she would have to face him eventually. Downing the last of the water, she swung her legs over the side of the bed. She stood up on unsteady legs. When she felt as secure as she was going to get, she took a step. As she neared the doorway, she glanced in the mirror. She was a mess. The pony tail she must have fallen asleep with was practically non-existence. Her hair stood up in every direction. She had large bags under her eyes. She looked like she was hung over. Linden pulled the elastic from her hair and tamed it the best she could with her fingers.

Sighing, she padded out of the bedroom, down the hall, and into the kitchen. Holder was standing over the stove, his back to her. She could smell food cooking. It made her stomach turn.

"Do you have any advil?" She asked.

Holder turned around. He smiled at her.

"Morning to you too, Linden."

She leaned her head against her hand. "Can you not talk so loud?"

"Linden's hung over," he teased in a sing-songy voice.

"Advil. Please."

"I got something better than advil."

"Not some homeopathic…"

"Better," Holder said. He took the pan he was cooking with off the stove and dished a sandwich onto the plate in front of Linden. "My world famous grilled cheese."

"What makes it world famous?"

"Made it for this French girl I was dating once. Said it was the best grilled cheese she ever ate."

"I'm sorry I asked."  
"Guaranteed to clear any hangover. Come on, Linden, eat up."

"If this doesn't work, I am holding you personally responsible."

She looked at the grilled cheese. It did look appetizing, but she wasn't sure if her stomach could handle it. Using her fingers, she ripped off a small piece of crust and popped it in her mouth.

"There you go, Linden, one bite at a time."

He sat down opposite her with a coffee and a cigarette.

"So...what...happened last night?" Linden asked.

"You don't remember?"

"Last thing I remember, I went for a run and then went home and had a beer and...and then I woke up here."

"Don't think you had just one beer, Linden. I know you're a lightweight, but come on."

"I'm not a lightweight."

He chuckled. "Yeah, ok, Linden. Tell that to your hangover."

"How did I get here? I didn't drive, did I?"

"Told me you took a cab."

"And I just...showed up?"

"Pretty much."

"And you and I...we didn't..."

"Didn't what, Linden?" He asked with a straight face. "Have the best night of our lives? I rocked your world, Linden. Multiple times."

Linden dropped the piece of grilled cheese in her hand. She had hoped that since she had woken up alone with all her clothes on, it meant nothing happened. But she could have been wrong. What if they had hooked up? What if he had given her the best night of her life and she couldn't remember? It wasn't the first time Linden had thought about being with him. Hell, it actually came up in her thoughts often, but she didn't want it to change them. The fact that she couldn't even remember it, made it all worse.

"Tell me we didn't…"

He cracked a smile and she knew immediately he was putting her on. She chucked the piece of grilled cheese at him.

"Damn, Linden, I'm just messin' with you! You really think I would take advantage of you like that? I may not seem like it, but I am a gentleman. I like my women at least a little alert and conscious, if you know what I'm saying. Of course, you did shove your tongue down my throat."

Her eyes grew wide. She vaguely started to remember grabbing his shirt and pulling him towards her.

"Oh my god," she breathed, burying her head in her hands again.

"It's ok, Linden. I liked it." She looked up at him. "Then there was the moment you tried to take my shirt off and..."

"You're enjoying this humiliation, aren't you?"

"You have no idea. You're a good kisser, Linden. Probably even better when you're not drunk and you know what you're doing."

"Shut up, Holder."

"Just trying to pay you a compliment."

"If we didn't…"

"Do the deed?" He offered.

"How did I end up in your bed?"

"I carried you." Linden tried to recall in her memory the feeling of him carrying her. She wished she could remember feeling his arms around her. "That was after you bawled your eyes out on my shoulder."

"You're never going to let me forget this, are you?"

"Not a chance, Linden."

As she finished off her grilled cheese, she heard her cell phone ringing. She checked her pockets, but didn't feel it. She looked around, trying to pinpoint where the sound was coming from.

"Maybe it's in the couch from when you were feeling me up last night," Holder suggested with a smirk.

Linden made her way over to the couch. She poked around in the cushions until she found the ringing phone. She placed it to her ear.

"Linden," she answered.

"Detective Linden, it's Mayor Richmond."

"What can I do for you, Mayor?" Linden asked, catching Holder's eye. He immediately walked over to her and put his ear down next to hers, trying to listen in on the conversation.

"You're aware of the police benefit dinner in two weeks?" The mayor asked.

"Yes."

"And you're aware that the mayor traditionally picks officers to publically acknowledge for their services at this dinner?"

"Yes," Linden answered.

"This year I have chosen you and your partner, Detective Holder for your contributions to the Rosie Larson murder. Although I think we'd all like this to just go away, without you two her murderer would never have been brought to justice."

"You mean her murderer as in the man you chose to be your campaign advisor? Or how about the coverup that took place to hide it?"

"The city thinks this recognition will be a closing chapter on this awful tragedy."

"Uh-huh. Well, we're not interested," Linden said.

"You will be expected to attend, Detective. As will Detective Holder. You might not like it, but this will happen."

"Mr. Mayor…"

"You should be happy, Detective Linden. Other officers who have won this award have gone on to great things. Promotions, salary bumps…"

"We're not interested in money!"

"Just be at the benefit, Detective and don't make a scene. Just for one hour pretend you're grateful. I'll be alerting Detective Holder."

"Don't bother. He's here with me."

"Very good then. See you in two weeks, Detectives."

The line went dead. Linden snapped her cell phone shut and shoved it in her pocket.

"He thinks he can buy our allegiance with a stupid award?" She practically shouted. "He thinks that will put an end to this family's tragedy?"

"It's all politics, Linden."  
"You're not actually suggesting we go, are you?"

"It can't hurt to smooth things over. Besides, this benefit is formal, isn't it? Black tie and all that?"

"Yes. Black tie, ball gowns, the works."

"Then I finally get the chance to see you in a dress, Linden. It's a win, win."

She rolled her eyes. "You own a tux, Holder?"

"I can rent one."

"Good because if they're forcing us to go, we're going together."

"You asking me out?"

"Don't flatter yourself."

"Oh come on, Linden. I know you've been dying to ask me out since we…"

"Could you just take me home, please?" She asked, interrupting him.

"Thought you were supposed to be my ride, Linden." He smiled and walked to the kitchen to get his keys. "Oh, and one more thing."

"What's that?"

He peaked his head out the kitchen door.

"If we really did have sex, you'd remember, Linden. Trust me. No one forgets being with Stephen Holder."

With his keys in hand, he walked out the front door, leaving Linden to wonder just how good they really would be together.

Author's Note: This was another fun chapter to write. I've always wanted to see Linden and Holder dressed up! Thanks for reading and please don't forget to leave my a review!


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 - "I am a man after all."**

Day 114

Holder stood in front of the mirror in his bedroom, trying to for third time to properly tie the bowtie around his neck. He wasn't sure why he hadn't ordered the clip on. Whatever had provoked him to order an actual bowtie with his rented tuxedo was a mystery to him. Giving up, he threw the bowtie across the room.

"Screw it," he mumbled.

He looked at his reflection in the mirror. He hadn't worn a tuxedo since his senior prom. And then he was only in it for an hour before his girlfriend at the time peeled it off of him in the back of the limo. That was definitely a good memory. Smiling, he went over to where he threw the bowtie and picked it up. He strung it around his neck and was about to try his fourth attempt, when there was a knock on the door. He glanced at the clock on his way out of the bedroom and made his way to the front door.

"Always punctual, Linden," he said as he opened the door. He cut himself off when he saw her. He had never seen her look so feminine. He looked her up and down, wanting to devour her. She was wearing a black, floor-length gown. It hugged her in all the right places including a low v-neck that accentuated her boobs. Her hair was down in waves, framing her beautiful face. She had on the lightest hints of makeup. It all worked together to make her look absolutely perfect.

"Can I come in?" She asked as he stood in the doorway staring at her.

"Damn, Linden. Who knew all of that was underneath all those sweaters."

"Are you going to let me in?"

He stepped out of the way and she walked in. Holder admired the dress from the back as much as from the front. The back was low cut, showing off her incredible back. He never knew someone's back could be so damn sexy.

He whistled, catcalling her. She turned around, sending him piercing daggers from her eyes. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. He had never seen her that way before.

"Eyes up top, Holder," she said.

He glanced up at her face, realizing he had been staring at her body.

"You ain't playing fair, Linden. You can't wear a dress like that and not expect me to stare. I am a man after all."

"Yeah well, you keep staring at me like that and you're going to make everyone at that benefit think we're together."

"Would that be so wrong? I sure as hell ain't gonna let any other man near you."

"Holder…" she began. He waited for her to continue, but she didn't. "It looks like you need some help."

He looked down at his untied tie. She approached him slowly.

"This another secret talent of yours, Linden? You know how to tie a bowtie?"

"Every woman has to have a few tricks up her sleeves."

"I bet you got more than a few, Linden."

She stepped behind him and attempted to put her arms around his neck.

"Bend down, Holder."

"Gonna have to take me to dinner first, Linden."

"Do you want me to tie this or not?"

He knelt down on the ground. She took the bowtie in her hands and began tying it expertly. Although they weren't making any physical contact, Holder could feel her breath on the back of his neck. Holder closed his eyes, taking in the moment. He never knew tying a tie could be so damn sensual. As she pulled the ends of the bowtie, Holder finally opened his eyes.

"Trying to choke me, Linden?"

"Trust me, I've thought about it. Now get up or we're going to be late."

"You know, Linden, I would have picked you up like a real date if you had let me."

"This isn't a real date and if I had let you pick me up, we would definitely be late. Now let's go."

"So bossy," he muttered.

Holder watched as Linden walked towards the door. Her heels clicked along the floor. He had never seen her in heels before. He loved the way he accentuated her legs. His eyes followed the line of her leg up to her butt.

"Stop staring at my ass, Holder!"

With a big smile on his face, he watched her walk out the door. This was going to be a very interesting night indeed.

Author's Note: Thank you for reading. This chapter was a lot of fun to write. Please don't forget to review!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 – "I'm not answering that question."**

Day 115

She held her high heels in her hand as Holder fumbled with his keys. She could feel his eyes on her. She had felt them all night. Even after hours of being in the dress with her feet aching, her hair losing its curl, and the makeup mostly worn off, she could still sense him looking at her. It made her smile as much as it made her squirm. She had never thought of herself as being a particularly sexy person. Sure, she never had much of a problem landing a man if she wanted one, but she certainly wouldn't put herself in the 'making guys heads turn' category. The idea that she was making Holder's head turn had her very intrigued.

"You didn't have to walk me to the door, Linden," Holder said as he finally got the door open.

"Wasn't sure if you'd make it in safely. Besides, you said we could burn those."

He glanced down at the two framed certificates he had tucked under his arm. They were the certificates they had just been given by the mayor at the benefit. Linden did as she was told and hadn't caused a scene at the actual benefit, but as soon as they were in the car on the way home, she had let her feelings be known. She was not happy about being paraded around and congratulated for a job she felt she could do better. It was Holder who suggested they burn the certificates as soon as they returned to his apartment. She jumped on the idea.

"Yo, Linden, I didn't think you'd take me seriously."

"Then you shouldn't have said it."

She brushed past him and into the hallway. Without bothering to turn on the light, she entered the kitchen. She started going through the drawers, looking for a lighter. She was determined to get rid of the damn piece of paper. She knew destroying it would mean nothing. She and Holder would always be the two who were given an award by the mayor for a job she didn't think was well done, but that didn't mean she had to like it.

"Linden…" Holder said as he turned on the light. He walked up to her in the kitchen with the framed certificates in his hand. He put his free hand over hers. She thought he was going to stop her and try to tell her that it was a bad idea. "Wrong drawer."

He opened the drawer next to the one she was rummaging through and grabbed a lighter.

"We need to take them out of the glass," she said.

Holder dropped one of the frames to the ground. It shattered as it hit the tile. Small pieces of glass flew in every direction.

"Watch your feet, Linden," he said with a smirk.

"You smashed mine," she stated as she looked down at the name on the certificate.

"Sorry." He handed her the other frame. "Your turn."

She took it from him, held it over her head, and dropped it. It felt good to see the glass flying in every direction and to hear the sound of cracking. Holder knelt down beside the smashed frames, being careful to stay clear of the glass. Linden watched as he flipped the top of the lighter and the flame came to life. He looked up at her.

"You wanna go first?" He asked.

She took the lighter from him and crouched down beside him. She touched the flame to the edge of the paper and waited as the paper curled and started to burn. She handed the lighter back to him and he did the same to his certificate. Linden watched as the paper turned from a memento to ash. After letting papers burn, Holder grabbed a bottle of water and poured it over the ashes. The flames smoked and eventually went out.

"Now that's how you end a party," Holder stated.

Linden took a step to avoid the ashes that were splattered on the floor.

"Shit," she muttered as she felt a piece of glass impale the bottom of her foot.

"Damn, Linden, I told you to be careful of your feet," Holder said as she picked up her foot to look at it. They could both see the blood dripping from it.

"You could have warned me to put my shoes back on before you start smashing glass," Linden said.

"I'll remember that next time."

He put his arm around her torso and began to put another arm around her waist.

"What the hell are you doing?" She asked.

"Carrying you out of here. Don't want another accident."

He easily scooped her up in his arms. Instinctually, she looped her arms around his neck. He carried her through the kitchen, the glass crunching beneath his feet. He brought her to the living room and placed her gently on the couch. He lifted her foot up, propping it up on the coffee table.

"Doesn't look bad," he said. "I'll get some bandages."

He disappeared into the bathroom and came back with a first aid kid. He sat down on the coffee table and placed her foot gently on his lap.

"Don't want to get blood on that tux. They'll charge you extra when you return it," she said.

"You know that from personal experience, Linden? Prom night gone bad?"

"I never went to prom."

He folded the bottom of her dress up so he had better access to her foot. Without the heels, the dress was a little too long. She gasped when she felt his fingers touch the bottom of her foot.

"Ticklish, Linden?"

"I'm not answering that question."

"Oooh…Linden's got a weak spot."

"Just fix my damn foot, Holder."

"Yes ma'am."

She watched as he tended to her foot gently. He started by cleaning the cut with peroxide, causing her to hiss. Then he cleaned up the excess blood and bandaged it neatly.

"Good as new," he said when he was through.

"Thank you." She noticed his hand still lingering on her foot. She knew she had to get out of his apartment soon or she might never leave. Maybe it was the buzz of the alcohol she had earlier at the dinner or maybe the fact that he was in a tuxedo and not a sweatshirt, but she realized she wanted to stay with him. She wanted to see what might blossom between them.

"Linden…" he began.

"I should go," she replied quickly.

He stood up and reached out his hand. She took it and he helped pulled her to her feet. With the little space between the couch and the table and the pain of putting weight on her injured foot, she fell against him. Her hands came to rest on his chest and he put an arm around her to steady her.

"You alright?"  
"I'll be fine," she answered. She looked up into his eyes and could see the same desire she had for him staring back at her.

It was Holder who made the first move. He bent his head and pressed his lips against hers. She reacted immediately. She didn't want to think about the consequences or what it meant. All she wanted to do was feel his lips and kiss him.

The kiss started slow. His hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her towards him. She snaked her arms around his neck, playing with the hair at the base of his skull. She felt his hands move from her waist to her bare back. It was as if his fingers were blazing a fiery trail. She hadn't felt that way when a man had touched her since she was a teenager. As he pulled her closer, his tongue begged entrance into her mouth. She allowed it and reciprocated with the same ferocity he was showing her. Her mind was reeling. Her legs hit the back of the couch. She knew what happened next. She knew they would tumble together onto the cushions, their hands would start roaming, clothing would be discarded, and then there would be no stopping them. Although she didn't want to, she had to stop and think.

"Wait," she managed to whisper as Holder attached his lips to her neck. "Holder…"

He stopped kissing her. She immediately missed the sensation. They looked at each other, neither of them sure what to do or say.

"Something wrong, Linden?"

"This is…I don't think this is a good idea," she said even though she wasn't sure if she believed it.

He let her go and took a step back.

"You telling me you haven't thought about this?" Holder asked.

"Of course I've thought about it, but…we're partners. Holder, I just don't want this to…come between us. You're my…"

"BFF?" He finished with a smile.

She nodded. "I don't want to lose what we have."  
"Or maybe we could have something better," Holder suggested.

"Neither of us are good at relationships."

"Maybe it doesn't have to be a relationship."

"Holder…"

"Yo, just hear me out, Linden. We like each other, we respect each other, we know each other in and out. We don't gotta deal with all that relationship bullshit. Why can't we just…do what we both want and see how it goes?"

Linden thought about his proposition. He was right. They both wanted each other. Why deny themselves of that? Why did sleeping together have to change things? Why couldn't they remain partners and have some fun on the side?

"Ok," she agreed. "Let's do this." He took her hand. "On one condition."

"Why do women always have to have conditions?"

"If this comes between us, if it starts going south, it's over."

"Fine."

"Fine," she said.

"I wanna hear you say it, Linden."

"Say what?"

"You know, tell me you want me."

"Shut up and kiss me, Holder."

"Uh-uh. Not until you say it."

"Don't be an ass, Holder."

"Come on, Linden. Just say it," he said with a smile.

She rolled her eyes. She realized that sleeping with him was going to be no different than being with him on a regular basis. She stepped towards him and put her lips next to his ear.

"I want you," she whispered.

"Damn Linden," he mumbled before seeking out her lips once more.

Author's Note: This was another chapter I loved to write. Hope you liked their "big moment!"


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 - "Not so fast."**

Day 115

She was beautiful. That was the first thing he thought when he woke up lying next to her. He realized he hadn't told her that at any point during the night. He reminded himself to tell her as soon as he could. Even after seeing her for all of those months in all of her oversized sweaters and ponytails, he had always known she was pretty, but seeing her lying there asleep beside him made him realize just how damn beautiful she really was. She was on her side, facing him. The sheet from the bed was pulled up just below her arms. Her chest rose and fell evenly in her sleep.

As he watched her sleep, he thought about what it had been like to be with her. It was better than he had ever imagined. She was perfect in every way. She met his every desire and matched his every need. He knew he had told her the night before that nothing would change between them, but everything had changed. He knew he would never be able to be without her at his side.

He watched as her eyelids began to flutter. She opened her eyes, blinking several times before she actually focused on him. He leaned over and brushed a piece of hair away from her face. Pulling the sheet with her, she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

"Going somewhere, Linden?" He asked.

"Home," she answered.

He could see her looking around the floor for her dress. He wondered how long it would take her to remember her dress was on the floor in the living room where they had started their evening.

"Not so fast," he said as he grabbed her arm.

"Let's not do this, Holder."

"Do what?"

"Make this…awkward."

"Yo, you're the one making it awkward."

"I don't think it's a good idea if I stay."  
"Why not?"

"Look, last night was…incredible, but…"

"It was incredible, wasn't it?" He interrupted. He ran his finger down her bare arm. She turned to look at him. "All three times. Didn't know you were so vocal, Linden."

"You're not making this easy," she said.

"That's the point, Linden."

"We're partners," she whispered, turning away from him again.

"I thought we talked about this last night. We said we were in this, Linden. It don't gotta change us. You had a good time, didn't you, Linden?"

"Holder…"

"Just answer the damn question."

"Yes. It was amazing."

"Then why we gotta ruin it? You don't gotta run off, Linden."

He put both hands on her shoulders and pressed a kiss between her shoulder blades. She sat back against the headboard. He could see the thoughts circulating in her head. He knew that look very well. When she was deep in thought, he could always tell. He knew she was trying to decide if she was going to go along with what he was saying. He only hoped she would. He couldn't imagine giving up being with her after the night they had just shared.

"So what is this?" She finally asked. "What are we doing?"

"Why does it have to have a definition?"

"It doesn't, but I don't want us to…expect anything from each other. So let's just call it as it is. Just sex between friends."

For some reason the words stung him. He didn't know what he wanted, but he knew he didn't want it to be just sex. He looked over at her, noticing her face was set. It was her determined face. There was no way in hell he was going to be able to change her mind. At least not in the moment. He finally shrugged. Although he didn't like it, if telling her that's all that was between them was going to make her stay in bed with him, he would agree to it.

"Fine. Just sex between friends," he agreed. "Now, can we please get to the sex part?"

"A little anxious?"

"It's my experience that morning sex can be very satisfying."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," he growled.

He rolled on top of her and kissed her like he had never kissed anyone else before.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 - "Stop talking and take off your pants."**

Day 210

Linden paced back and forth, glancing down at the time on her cell phone. She had been waiting at Holder's apartment for forty-five minutes and she was getting impatient. She thought about grabbing a beer from the fridge, but knew that wasn't a good idea. She was about to grab her keys and forget about meeting up with Holder when she heard the door open. He walked in, dropping a pile of papers and folders on the kitchen counter.

"Where were you?" She asked. "I've been waiting for almost an hour."

"I know, I'm sorry. Cliff dumped a bunch of old paperwork on me before I left. Had to fill out some things before he'd let me go."

"Stop talking and take off your pants."

"Woah. Bossy much?"

"Are you complaining?"

"Hell no."

She watched as he unbuckled his belt and pulled his pants down. She laughed as he attempted to kick the pants from around his ankles, but instead ended up tripping. He stumbled forward, eventually able to catch himself before he actually fell to the ground.

"Graceful," she commented.

"Get over here," he growled.

"Come get me," she teased.

As she broke out in a run, he kicked his pants free and practically lunged for her. She squealed as his body came into contact with hers. He plowed into her, pushing her body down onto the couch.

"You are wearing far too many clothes," he said in between placing wet, sloppy kisses against her neck.

"Couldn't agree more," she said.

She rolled and flipped them so she was on top of him. Straddling his hips, she sat up and pulled her shirt over her head. She threw it on the floor, not caring where it landed. His hands roamed her body, sending shivers from the tip of her toes to the top of her head. She reached for the hem of his boxers, trying to push them down while their mouths were occupied with each other.

"What's your hurry, Linden?" He asked.

"I have to pick Jack up in twenty minutes, which means I need to leave in less than ten minutes or I'm going to be late. We have to make this fast."

"Damn, Linden, I'm speedy, but I ain't that speedy."

"Just skip the foreplay," she said, reaching for his boxers once more.

"Yeah, cause that's sexy."

She snapped the waistband of his boxers back into place, annoyed. She wanted to just have sex and go pick up her son. He was making things way too difficult.

"Why are you complaining? If you hadn't stuck around after work to do paperwork, this wouldn't be a problem."

"Oh so having to have lightning sex is my fault now?"

"No, but it is your fault that I got all hot and bothered in that meeting."

"How's that?"

"You kept…staring at me in that meeting."

"Couldn't help it. You wore that v-neck sweater I like."

"You were staring at me like you were undressing me with your eyes."

"I was."

"We were at work."

"So? Wasn't like I took you right there on the conference table, Linden. Although I did think about it."

She rolled her eyes. "You can't do that. Not at work."

"Why, Linden?" He said teasingly. "Because it turns you on?"

"Because it's beginning to effect our work."

"Come on, Linden. We were in a pointless budget meeting. Wasn't like we had a case or something. I was just having a little fun."

"Well it can't happen again."

"You're no fun, Linden."

She heard her cell phone begin to beep.

"And that's my alarm. Gotta leave to pick up Jack."

"Can't you be five minutes late, Linden?"

"Thought you didn't want to have lightning sex?"

"I can adapt."  
She leaned over him and kissed him.

"I have to go."

She climbed off of him and picked up her shirt from the floor. As she slipped it over her head, he sat up.

"Why don't you bring Little Man back here after you pick him up? I'll cook you both dinner."

"I already have dinner ready."

"Frozen dinners don't count, Linden."

"I have to go, Holder."

"Come on, why not come back here with Little Man? Three of us can have some dinner, Jack and I can practice some wrestling, then maybe you and I can do some wrestling of our own."

She scoffed as she picked up her cell phone from the coffee table. "You really think we're going to have sex with my son here?"

"Damn, Linden, I was just kidding. Lighten up. I haven't seen Little Man in a while. It'll be good to spend some time with him."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Holder."

She headed for the door. She had to admit, the idea of going back to his apartment was appealing. It would be easy to pretend they were something more than they were. The three of them sitting down having dinner together would have been nice, but she knew she couldn't let that happen.

"Why don't you want Jack coming over here?"

"Let it go, Holder."

Although she wasn't facing him, she heard him stand up. He took a few steps towards her and started fumbling with putting his pants back on.

"No. Tell me."

She turned around as he pulled his pants up around his hips.

"Look, Jack isn't a kid. If we start playing house, he'll figure out something's up. He'll know we're more than just partners."

"Is that such a bad thing?"

"Yes. He'll expect things. He's already attached to you. What would happen if he found out that you and I were sleeping together, but then found out that what we're doing is nothing more than sex?"

"Is that what you think?"

"What?"

"Is that what you think, Linden? That this is nothing more than sex."

"That's what we decided it would be."

"Maybe three months ago. Things haven't changed for you?"

"What would have changed?"

"Damn, Linden," he muttered.

She saw the change in his face. He was hurt and she was the cause. Part of her wanted to go over to him and wrap her arms around him, but she needed her distance. If she came into physical contact with him, she would cave. She would become a puddle of water at his feet and that couldn't happen.

"Holder…"

"I know things have changed. You can pretend all you want that we're just partners who have mind-blowing sex, but that ain't true and you know it."

She took a deep breath. "I knew this wasn't a good idea. We should never have started this."

"Is that really what you think?"

She wanted to say no. She wanted to say that things had changed. She had started falling for him long before they started having sex. But she couldn't admit that. Because she knew that admitting that would be worse than lying to him. No relationship had ever worked for her. Even when she thought things felt so right, she always found some way to ruin them. She knew things wouldn't be different with him. She was bound to ruin what they had. The best thing would be to stop being intimate if she wanted to keep his as her partner and best friend.

"Yes," she finally answered. She turned around and wiped a tear from her eye. Without another word, she walked out the front door.

Author's Note: I couldn't write a love story without a little angst. It's my favorite part! Hope you liked this one!


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 - "Have you met your mother?"**

Day 217

Holder sat in front of the TV, absentmindedly flipping through channels. He tapped his cigarette into the ashtray on the coffee table before popping it back in his mouth. He held a half-empty, partially warm bottle of beer in his hand. He couldn't keep his mind off of her. It had been a week since she walked out of his apartment. Sure, he still sat across from her every day at work, talking nonstop about whatever case they were working on. They still ate lunch together from the vending machine and they still drove together practically everywhere, but it wasn't the same. Maybe no one around them would notice, but things between them had changed. He missed her. Despite spending eighteen hours a day with her, he still missed her. He missed the taste of her lips, the feel of her skin, the sound of her laugh when he tickled the bottom of her foot, the moan she made when he found that one spot on her neck. He knew he could have gone out to a bar and found any woman to forget about her, but that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted her and he wasn't sure how to get her.

As he flipped from an infomercial to the telemundo station, Holder heard a knock at the door. He punched out his cigarette, put his beer on the table, and walked to the door. He looked through the peephole, surprised at who he saw on the other side of the door. He opened it.

"Hey Little Man," he said.

"Hey Holder," Jack responded. "Can I come in?"

"Of course."

Holder stepped back and Jack walked in. Jack pointed at the television.

"You known Spanish, Holder?" Jack asked.

"Nope. Want something to drink?" Holder asked even though he wasn't sure what he would give Jack. He pretty much had beer and water and that was it.

"No thanks."

"Your mom know you're here?" Holder asked.

"She thinks I'm staying after school to study."

"She actually bought that? You, studying? Linden's losing her touch."

"That's actually why I'm here."

"Everything ok?" Holder asked, suddenly concerned. Had he missed something with Linden?

"I guess," Jack answered, shrugging. He slumped down on the couch. Holder perched on the coffee table, facing him.

"Go ahead, Little Man, spill."

"It's my mom. She's…unhappy."

"Look, Jack, I'm not the person to…"

"Before you say anything, I know something was going on between you two." Holder opened his mouth to speak, but didn't know what to say. He knew Linden hadn't told Jack about them and he knew he should probably deny it, but he had promised himself he would never lie to a kid and that included Jack.

"How'd you figure it out?" Holder finally asked.

"Mom always…acts a certain way when she's got a boyfriend. She's happier. Only this time she was happier than I've ever seen her. So I started trying to figure out who it was. I mean, usually she at least introduces me to the guy at some point. I thought maybe she was keeping it a secret because she knows I usually hate the guys she dates, but then…I don't know, she just kept denying she was seeing anyone and when I saw the two of you together a few weeks ago, I just put two and two together and I…figured it out."

"Smart kid," Holder murmured, not sure what else he could say. The cat was out of the bag so to speak and he didn't know how to handle the situation.

"Only this last week, mom's been miserable so I figured something must have happened between you."

"Look, your mom and I are partners and…"

"Don't give me that 'we're partners' crap," Jack interrupted.

"Alright, fair enough."

"What happened? Did you like, break up?"

"I guess you could say that."

"Well then you need to get back together."

"It ain't that easy, Little Man."

"Why not?"

"Have you met your mother?" Holder asked.

Jack smiled. "She's not easy to get along with sometimes."

"She just doesn't think us being together is a good idea."

"Why? You two were like made for each other."  
"I don't think she sees it that way."

"You're the only guy mom has ever...been that happy with. Not even Rick, the dude she thought she was gonna marry, made her that happy."

"Yeah, I never quite understood the Sonoma thing."

"I know mom sucks at relationships. I think it's because people were always letting her down when she was a kid. You know, she never lets herself get too close to anybody. But you're the exception."

"How old are you again?"

"Old enough to know my mom doesn't get nearly as pissy with me when she's sleeping with you."

"Woah."

"I ain't a kid anymore. I know you two are playing Monopoly when she comes over."

"You're too smart for your own good, Little Man."

"You gotta find a way to get her back."

"Any suggestions?"

"Don't give in. She's used to people doing what she wants. It's about time someone teaches her she doesn't always get her way."

Holder smiled. "I think I can handle that."

Author's Note: I've always kind of loved the Holder/Jack relationship so I wanted to include a little more of that. One more chapter to go!


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 – "I want to go out in public and hold your hand!"**

Day 223

What the hell was she doing? That's what she kept thinking over and over as she stood outside of Holder's apartment door. She shouldn't be standing there. She shouldn't want to go to his apartment. They had called it off almost two weeks earlier. She needed to accept that. They couldn't be partners and have sex on the side. It just wasn't working. Even though he hadn't actually said it, she could tell that Holder wanted more from her and she had no more to give.

The only reason she was even standing at his door was because he told her he had information about the cold case they were working on. He mumbled something on the phone about seeing something in a photograph that neither of them had picked up on before. She asked him if it could wait until Monday, but he said it couldn't. That's why, even though she knew it was a bad idea, she was standing there, waiting for him to open the door. She could never deny looking over evidence of a case even if it hurt her emotionally.

Linden held her breath as the door opened. Holder was standing in front of her in a button down shirt and Jeans. It wasn't his usual attire and it made her wonder what was going on. She had to admit, he looked good.

"Hi," he said.

"What do you have to show me?" She asked, getting down to business.

"Can I take your coat?"

"Just show me the photograph," she said. She was determined to keep the meeting professional even if being in his apartment reminded her of all of the amazing times she had spent there.

"What's your hurry, Linden?"  
She headed towards the living room, but stopped as something caught her eye in the kitchen. She glanced over at the table. It was set for two complete with two lit candlesticks in the middle. She suddenly could smell something savory in the air even though she couldn't put her finger on it.

She wheeled around, surprised to see how close he was standing to her. She took a step back, keeping the anger in her eyes. He had tricked her and she was not about to give in to his desires.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Figured you had to eat something. And vending machines don't count."

"You said you had something to show me that pertained to the case."  
"You're a detective, Linden, you should know when someone's lying to you."

"I just never thought my partner would lie to me. I guess I was wrong."

She began to storm off towards the door, but Holder grabbed her arm.

"Just sit down and hear me out, Linden."

"Let go of me."

She could feel his fingertips burning into her skin. It was a good feeling. One she missed. He wasn't holding her hard enough to hurt her. If she wanted to, she knew she would be able to get out of his hold, but she didn't really want to.

"Jack came to see me," he stated.

She looked up at him, trying to read if he was telling the truth. She could tell immediately that he was. He would never use her son to get her to do what she wanted if it wasn't true.

"When?"

"Last week."

"Why?"

"Because he's worried about you. Because he wants to see you happy."

He finally let go of her arm, but she didn't move.

"Jack's a kid. He doesn't know what makes me happy."

"He's not a kid, Linden. You said it yourself. He's smart and observant, just like his mom. He told me how unhappy you've been recently. How happy you were before that."

"He doesn't know what he's talking about."  
"I think he does."

"He can't know because he doesn't know about…"

"About us? Think again, Linden. He knows."

"What? You told him?!" She shouted, anger running through her. She would do anything to protect her son.

"I didn't tell him! He figured it out on his own! He sat there and thought about what the hell would be making his mom so happy. Finally came to the conclusion that it was me. It was us being together."  
"We weren't together!"

"You can say that all you want, but I know you don't believe that. Maybe we said what we were doing was just sex, but it wasn't."

"That's all it can be."

"Why? Why can't we be more? Why can't it be more than about sex?" She didn't answer. She didn't know how to answer. "I know you're trying to protect yourself, Linden. It's what you've always done, right? Not let anyone get too close? Not even Sonoma?"

"Don't bring him into this."

"Oh right, because he was just collateral damage in Hurricane Linden!"

"You son of a bitch." She headed for the door once more, feeling the tears. But she would not cry. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing he had gotten to her. He managed to reach the door before she did, blocking her from reaching the door handle.

"You're right. I am a son of a bitch. I'm also an addict and I can be damn irritating when I want to be. But you are stubborn and bossy and are PMSing ninety-nine percent of the time, but that don't matter because neither of us are perfect! We both got shit to deal with! We're both messed up, but somehow we work! Somehow we make sense, Linden! Even though on paper we might not be right for each other, we are right for each other! And I ain't letting you run away! Not this time!"

"This won't work!" She shouted. "We tried. It didn't work!"

"No. We tried sex. We tried having fun without any emotions. Well, you know what, Linden, I can't do that. I can't not have emotions because I have feelings for you."

"Holder…"

"I want us to be together! I want to take you on a date! I want to cook you dinner without you jumping down my throat! I want to spend time with Little Man. I want to go out in public and hold your hand!"

"I have ruined every relationship I have ever had!" She shouted, not sure what else to say. How could she tell him that he was too good for her and deserved better? How could she tell him what she was really afraid of?

"Maybe you ruined every relationship because you haven't been with the right person."

She paused, thinking about what he said. She knew he was right. She had never been with the right person. Even Rick, the man she thought she was going to marry, wasn't right for her. She should never have dated her psychiatrist to begin with. Deep down she knew Holder was the right man. She trusted him more than anyone else she had ever met. She didn't know what she would do without him.

"I can't lose you," she finally said quietly.

"Linden…"

"I can't lose you," she repeated. "As a partner, as a friend. I can't lose you. I don't know what I would do."

"You won't lose me, Linden."

He took her hand.

"You don't know that."

"I do. Because I know us."

She let a tear fall down her cheek as she looked up at him. He wiped it away with the pad of his thumb. Suddenly it all made sense. He was right. She was tired of running. Being with him in every sense of the word was right.

"You really want to hold my hand in public?" She asked with a smile.

"I want to do everything with you, Linden."

"Ok."

"Ok as in you want to give us a shot?" She nodded. "And it won't be just sex?"

"No, although that part will be very nice to get back to."

"You can say that again."

"I'm all in, Holder."

"Good," he replied, leaning down to kiss her. His arms snaked around her waist while her arms looped around his neck. She sighed into his kiss, feeling happier than she had been in weeks. When they broke apart, she leaned her forehead against his.

"They won't let us work together anymore," she said.  
"You'll always be my ride, Linden. No matter what happens."

He bent to kiss her once more, but she turned her head way from him. He gave her a quizzical look.

"I want to hear you say it," she said, mimicking what he had said to her the first time they had kissed.

"Say what?"

"Tell me how you feel. I need to hear it."

"You're such a girl," he joked.

"Please," she whispered, beginning to unbutton his shirt.

"I love you, Linden."

She smiled. "Good, because I love you too."

She turned back to him and kissed him hard, pouring all of her love into the kiss. She finished unbuttoning his shirt and shrugged it off his shoulders. She roamed her hands over his bare chest and started pushing him down the hall towards the bedroom.

"Food's gonna be ruined," he said as she started working on his belt buckle.

"You really going to worry about food at a time like this?"

"Just messing with you, Linden," he said, picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. She squealed as he carried her off into the bedroom.

Author's Note: Well, that's it. I hope you liked this story. It was a lot of fun to write. I finally watched season 3 and went right into season 4. I don't want to spoil anything for those of you haven't seen the final season yet, but the series finale prompted me to start another Linden/Holder story immediately. I'm hoping to post it soon! Thanks to all of my readers, followers, and reviewers!


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